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  • Pass me the vodka

    Seriously and they wonder why people download or buy pirated movies! Its school holidays and sure I am excited to be trapped, I mean spending quality time with my children. So much so we start each day with a little game of hide and seek. I hide, in my locked car with a pillow and they seek - until they eventually give up.....an hour or so later (I am not entirely sure if an hour is accurate as I’m usually asleep) Yesterday I stupidly agreed to take them to the movies, first mistake. McDonald's? Why not its school holidays, second mistake. Are you seeing the pattern? After we joined the other 64’000 people at the golden arches we ventured on to the the movies. It was like entering a battlefield, it was absolute madness. Jamming the entrance was a little girl throwing a Ben Hur sized tantrum over plastic high heels and a tiara screaming something about Cinderella. Like Gladiators I exchanged nods with the white haired warrior who had clearly been dumped with the grandchildren and proceeded to the main arena. We passed two boys violently throwing popcorn at each other while their panic stricken mother had her back turned to change a vomit covered baby. Rookie. This was not my first Rodeo so I’d bought the tickets online which mean’t we could side step the bulk of the punters straight to the “express” lane. I was given the task of saving seats for friends that were running late and the take no prisoners, elbows out approach was our only hope to get through the stampede into the cinema once the doors were flung open. I had learn't much from Russell so these challenges were deflected with great dominance, all that was missing was the dramatic soundtrack. What could not be deflected any longer were the demands for popcorn and soft drinks by those, as you may remember who had just consumed 4kgs of sugar at Maccas only 20 mins earlier. Even champions lose battles on occasion and I retreated to the Candy Bar. I explained to the 16 year old that I needed cardiac puffs of corn and liquid glucose for 5. He tapped away on his register and casual as you like said “that will be $78 and $88 if you would like the take home cups” $78 are you joking! I only wanted popcorn and postmix not Lobster and champagne. To put that into perspective $78 would feed a family of 4 a three course Sunday roast including a pot for Dad and a glass of house white for mum at the local pub. They had me over a barrel and by the grin that slowly spreed across the young attendants pimply face he knew it too. But the Spaniard does not go down without a fight. I bought his popcorn for $30 and gave it to the kids with strict instructions to stay seated with the friends that had now arrived and left the cinema. Yes left the cinema, to go next door to the Kabab shop and buy 5 cans of soft drink for $10! I stuffed them into my handbag and as I walked past pimple boy at the Candy Bar our eyes locked. Without breaking eye contact I proceeded along the brightly colored carpet in what I thought was a slow motion strut of triumph, chest puffed and one eyebrow raised but in reality it probably looked more like a creepy middle age drunk woman with a lazy eye. The point of the story is this, $60 for tickets and $78 for basic snacks is outrageous, now who has a dodgy DVD contact? (relax its a joke....)

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Recent Comments
  • really found this a delight to read linda, funny and very well written

    Enzo Condello
    Pass me the vodka
  • Bhaaaaahaaaa!!!!!!! Your mum pointed me to this blog. I think she's revelling in glee. It must remind her of a similar instance. :)

  • A hilarious piece of writing, where you nailed the plight of parents trying to entertain the kids during the school holidays.Good one!

  • yep nailed it right there - funny cos it's true 😁

  • I loved it!! 😃

    Isabella Fierro
    Pass me the vodka